Depression From a Stay at Home Mom

 
Some days I just dont understand how I can't just "snap out of it". I feel like I should have control of how I feel and how i spend my days. I feel like i should be able to just get out of bed and live life without wanting to get back in bed and hide under all of my blankets. I hate that i cant do it for my girls. I hate that i cant do it for myself. I hate this.

I am so so tired of pretending to be so ok. I am tired of having to remind myself to smile when im around people. I am tired of thinking "hey, its just so much easier to avoid all people."

I feel so empty and numb to everything. And its not like i can just go talk to anyone about it. They dont understand. When i do try to talk to people about it i get "just get out and do something" or "i dont understand how you can feel like this"      I DONT UNDERSTAND IT EITHER!

 "oh woe is me, i am sad, empty, and numb and now i dont want to get out of bed."  I swear thats what people hear.

I just want to live. I want to enjoy taking my kids to the park instead of dreading it. I want to enjoy cooking for my family. I want to wake up and say "today is beautiful"

One day... 

"normal" hair problems

So i have been thinking about changing my hair back to red... Problem? My husband recently complimented how "normal" my hair looks and how much he likes it... I hate "NORMAL" lol
But should i stick to what i like or what he likes??

So i need opinions!

Pretty Red hair 

Nornal Dark brown hair

Pick One!! Red or Brown??

Fruit Salsa Recipe

Ingredients:

for the fruit salsa:2 kiwis, peeled and diced
2 Golden Delicious apples – peeled, cored and diced
8 oz raspberries
1 (16 oz) carton of strawberries, diced
2 tbsp white sugar
1 tbsp brown sugar
3 tbsp fruit preserves, any flavor (I used strawberry; would only use 2 tbsp next time)

for the cinnamon chips:10 (10 inch) flour tortillas
melted butter or butter flavored cooking spray
cinnamon sugar:
1 cup white sugar
2 tbsp cinnamon

Instructions:

1. In a large bowl, thoroughly mix kiwis, apples, raspberries, strawberries, white sugar, brown sugar, and fruit preserves. Cover and chill in the refrigerator at least 15 minutes while the oven preheats to 350 degrees.

2. Coat one side of each flour tortilla with melted butter or butter flavored cooking spray. Sprinkle tortillas with desired amount of cinnamon sugar, cut into wedges, and arrange in a single layer on a large baking sheet. Spray again with cooking spray (not necessary if using melted butter).

3. Bake in the preheated oven 8 to 10 minutes. Repeat with any remaining tortilla wedges. Allow to cool approximately 15 minutes. Serve with chilled fruit mixture. This salsa can also be served with cinnamon graham crackers or cinnamon pita chips.

*Best when made and eaten the same day otherwise the fruit gives off so too much juice and it gets runny.

Health-ish Snack for you (or better your kids!)

om nom nom nom!

Pretty easy to follow pics, and you can always subsitute the flour tortilla for a whole wheat one!

Military Moves

We are getting ready for a move. El Paso, TX is the next duty station for my hubs... So we should be out there sometime in August..
The short notice of the move is making this pretty stressful!

I am still taking classes here and will be done with this semester right before we move... I hope i am able to keep my A in Anatomy and be ready for this move on time.

As soon as we get there school will be starting again for Lorena and me so i need to make sure that i have time to get us situated and enrolled.. I am thinking i may skip a semester of college so that i can settle in before taking on too much.

The scariest thing to me right now is getting to a new place and not having a home to go to... :/

I will keep you all updated on how things are going leading up to the move.

I'm Back Love bugs

So i am revamping my blog... I miss writing and i think its time to get back :)

As always please feel free to ask or let me know if there is anything you would like more info on no matter what it pertains to i will do my best to reply ;)

Being a mom...

So, i've been crazy busy lately. I am tired and feel like i am running on "E".

A lot has happened since the last time i wrote. Well, a lot in my book haha
Tomorrow i have an appointment to finally get an official diagnosis for ADHD. And see what my treatment options are. Its about time for me to finally deal with it haha

School is going great (minus the whole math thing ;) lol)

I havent been to the gym more than 4 times in the last 2 months :/  Saturday i decided it was time to get back and force myself back into a routine again. I need routine in my life.. without it i am lost all day and dont get much done.

Saturday i went to the gym alone and it was great, i pushed myself and got my 6 miles of biking done in 30 minutes. It was a little painful after not having done much for the last 2 months! But i managed pretty well if i do say so myself haha

Today on the other hand I woke up a little earlier had some coffee with my husband and got ready to take my Lorena to school and go to the gym.. my day started off great! I was on a roll.

Dropped my baby girl off at school and Olivia and I were off to the gym. We got there and i was hoping to at the very least get my 6 or 7 miles done. HA! i got ALMOST 3 miles in when Ms. Olivia decided she was done being there... Not even 20 minutes had passed and she was having the meltdown of her life. Of course people started staring and getting irritated, here was this child screaming her head off as they too were just try to get a good workout in. As a semi considerate person i hopped off of my bike grabbed her and headed out (in tears)


Why in tears?

Because i can not get any time for me. I want to do something for myself to improve my health and i just cant seem to get it done. I want just one hour where i dont have school, homework, a kid crying, whining or screaming. Just so i can workout. Is that really out of the question??