Some days I look back at pictures of myself before I had my Lore and I look in the mirror now and i feel so disgusting...
If you knew me in high school you knew that I loved my body. I took care of myself. I love to show off my tiny waist and nice round hips. I weighed about 135-140. And was happy.
I got pregnant at 16.. for those of you that dont know. I gained about 30 lbs throughout my pregnancy and delivered at 160lbs.
It took about a month and some change for me to lose most of the weight.. I decided to start taking birth control (depo shot) which I knew would make me gain a little weight. It was not such a big deal to me.. I went back to school and continued on like I had before. I didnt work out I didnt exercise. And in the blink of an eye i realized that I weighed almost 200 lbs. Just like that...
I got married at 18 and moved to Florida with my husband and daughter.. I didnt notice but when I got here I had started eating to make myself feel better. Better about being 2000 miles away better about how uncomfortable I felt in my clothes. Better about everything.. I got really depressed and gained some more weight. When my husband deployed in march of 2010 I weighed about 215. While he was gone I went home and gained about another 10 lbs. I came back home 3 months before he got back and realized that I had to do something about my weight and my depression. I started walking and eating a little better.
When he came home in September I weighed about 189 and felt a little better about myself.
He got home and I got comfortable and stop walking and started eating out a lot again.. I got back up to 203.
In November we found out I was pregnant again. Thoughout my pregnancy with Olivia I got up to 218. 4 weeks after she was born I was back down to 204. But...... I started having really bad issues with post partum depression I went to food again to make everything better... Months passed and I just didnt care anymore.. I was wearing baggy clothes and trying to hide my weight. I told myself it wasnt that bad. (It was)
I woke up March 3rd of this year and looked in the mirror.. I finally decided to deal with what was in front of me. I finally decided to allow myself to take an honest look at what I had done to myself. I weighed myself and just cried I couldnt believe what I had done to myself.. I was disgusted! I had gained 100 lbs in 3 short years. I weighed almost 245. It was a shock to my system. That day I decided that I had to do something about this.. It isnt healthy and I was miserable!!
I am slowly working on it.. It is march 22nd and I have cleaned up my eating and started working out again. I have lost 8 lbs. I am not at the weight I want to be at but this is the best I have felt in a long time.. I feel good about myself. I am working towards a goal. Not just to look good in my clothes but to be a healthy person physically and mentally..
Well there it is.. there are my truths. I struggled with being honest about how bad I let it get. But if I cant be honest with you how can I possibly expect you to be honest with me or your own selves?
 |
| Before Lore (2007) |
I got pregnant at 16.. for those of you that dont know. I gained about 30 lbs throughout my pregnancy and delivered at 160lbs.
 |
| About 7 months pregnant with Lore (2008) |
I got married at 18 and moved to Florida with my husband and daughter.. I didnt notice but when I got here I had started eating to make myself feel better. Better about being 2000 miles away better about how uncomfortable I felt in my clothes. Better about everything.. I got really depressed and gained some more weight. When my husband deployed in march of 2010 I weighed about 215. While he was gone I went home and gained about another 10 lbs. I came back home 3 months before he got back and realized that I had to do something about my weight and my depression. I started walking and eating a little better.
 |
| Weeks before Thomas came home from deployment (2010) |
When he came home in September I weighed about 189 and felt a little better about myself.
He got home and I got comfortable and stop walking and started eating out a lot again.. I got back up to 203.
In November we found out I was pregnant again. Thoughout my pregnancy with Olivia I got up to 218. 4 weeks after she was born I was back down to 204. But...... I started having really bad issues with post partum depression I went to food again to make everything better... Months passed and I just didnt care anymore.. I was wearing baggy clothes and trying to hide my weight. I told myself it wasnt that bad. (It was)
 |
| Me at my Biggest (2012) |
I am slowly working on it.. It is march 22nd and I have cleaned up my eating and started working out again. I have lost 8 lbs. I am not at the weight I want to be at but this is the best I have felt in a long time.. I feel good about myself. I am working towards a goal. Not just to look good in my clothes but to be a healthy person physically and mentally..
Well there it is.. there are my truths. I struggled with being honest about how bad I let it get. But if I cant be honest with you how can I possibly expect you to be honest with me or your own selves?
I love this! You're doing a great job marlena :) it takes alot of guts to make posts about weight issues. I was in a similar situation, hubby deployed when I was 4 months pregnant and I was alone for a whole year, half of it with just me and the other 6 months with my son. It's been really tough losing the baby weight since I went from 115 to 168! (yea I gained quite a bit) my husband came home for r&r when I was about to pop and I can tell he was surprised at how big I was.. I too have been eating healthy and exercising & I'm about 8 pounds away from my goal =) it took about 7 months but I'm seeing big changes now. Good luck & hope to see more posts about your improvements! It's motivating!
ReplyDeleteHonestly writing all of this down has put me into a funk.. I mean i knew that i had gained all that weight i knew that i had done this.. Putting it into writing has just made it so real. Now i cant hide. Now its there for me to really see.
DeleteIt is real, but you're not just sitting back and letting it happen anymore. You're doing something to help yourself! You're losing weight because you're pushing yourself to do it, no one's doing it for you. It may be tough, but you're doing great! I find it really hard to find enough time to cook healthy stuff (I'm still having issues with eating out but I'm still working on it) and clean and just raise my 1 kid alone. You have 2! And somehow you're able to exercise and eat healthy meals and be a wife =) whatever you do don't give up. You're doing this for yourself and yourself only. Just continue what you're doing and soon you'll be seeing more changes that'll motivate you! You can do it. :)
Delete