Some days I just dont understand how I can't just "snap out of it". I feel like I should have control of how I feel and how i spend my days. I feel like i should be able to just get out of bed and live life without wanting to get back in bed and hide under all of my blankets. I hate that i cant do it for my girls. I hate that i cant do it for myself. I hate this.
I am so so tired of pretending to be so ok. I am tired of having to remind myself to smile when im around people. I am tired of thinking "hey, its just so much easier to avoid all people."
I feel so empty and numb to everything. And its not like i can just go talk to anyone about it. They dont understand. When i do try to talk to people about it i get "just get out and do something" or "i dont understand how you can feel like this" I DONT UNDERSTAND IT EITHER!
"oh woe is me, i am sad, empty, and numb and now i dont want to get out of bed." I swear thats what people hear.
I just want to live. I want to enjoy taking my kids to the park instead of dreading it. I want to enjoy cooking for my family. I want to wake up and say "today is beautiful"